Family Stickers are a source of annoyance for many, but what deep truths can be revealed through them?
Picture it……
I’m driving up to a ‘round-a-bout’ when the slow car in front of us takes their time….. The annoyed impulse rises and Luke’s calm demeanor changes.
I look at their back window guess and what is displayed?
A ‘My Family’ set of stickers.
So of course the obvious judgmental thoughts start going through my mind about the sort of people who place those stickers on their cars, why only the other day my wife and I were discussing the very stickers, and also the ones who judge them with their ‘I don’t give a _______ about your family’ stickers with a family being hung (if you don’t know what I’m talking about it’s probably for the best). We even saw a car driving with them in front of us, and shocked when we saw that it was an old couple who had the very harsh stickers on their car.
*On a side note, coming from a business perspective, the family stickers are a fantastic business idea! They must be making a fortune!*
So, we judge those who hate the family stickers, but in the meantime, a subtle disliking for the Family Stickers has entered my own mind- like all criticism and judgement, it comes in seductively and we very often don’t see it, and unknowingly apply the same judgements to those who would like to tell the world their family dynamics.
So, moving on, back to the round-a-bout, the annoying slow driver and their Family Stickers, I realised something…… I also have a set of Family Stickers on the very van I was driving!
That’s right! Pictured above is a photo of my very own back window I took right after this revelation I had about my own sense of judgement!
I was judging someone for something I was guilty of myself………….
Self evaluation is something I’ve done since the tender age of 21. And it’s something I still try to apply, but it’s not always easy.
I think the Family Stickers are a symbolic version of how we often subtly judge people for things, that we are guilty of ourselves…… but can’t see.
Think about that for a moment.
Like the stickers on my back window, everyone else is assuming I’m the one who put them on there…….. We judge what we don’t understand. The truth is, I bought the car a few months prior (see if you look at the far right gold fish sticker- you’ll notice it’s half ripped off) and have found them really difficult to remove.
So others are probably judging me for something that I don’t even want myself!
But, those know know me, know I don’t have 4 daughters- I only have two, and also two boys! Plus I don’t have a dog, a cat and I don’t fish!
I surf!
Wow, what a revelation I had!
The kind of people who don’t like strong willed people…… are themselves, usually strong willed people! The thing they don’t like about others, is the thing they themselves are!
But, the Family Stickers gave me a revelation- maybe they don’t actually want to be like that?
Maybe the people who annoy me (like me and my Family Stickers) want to be free from the attribute they have received from someone else?
Maybe their parents treated them poorly?
Maybe someone abandoned them?
Maybe they are so afraid of rejection, that they will reject first to save themselves having to deal with the emotions that have plagued them for years?
We all carry wounds and hurts, some in varied degrees, and maybe if we judge others, we won’t have to look at ourselves?
I went through a situation the other year in the workplace: Brace yourself….. A story is coming!
A person who was a very strong and dominating character came out to dinner with us.
I liked this person.
But during dinner, this person started to really make judgmental comments about some of the people we were working with. I’d been in the workplace for several years prior and knew some things about their personal lives, so put forth an alternative perspective concerning them…..
In other words I stuck up for them when this person was bagging them behind their backs.
This person then asked “Why do you do that?”
“What?” I replied.
“Always challenge everything I say?”
“Oh, I’m not, I just know them really well and know there’s more to their situation, so I understand why they act that way.”
We then discussed some other things which I wont mention.
This person from that point on went out of his way to do everything he could to persuade every other person in the workplace to be antagonistic against me. He wanted to take me out of the workplace.
It was unbelievable!
I really learned to understand ‘bullying’ more through that whole scenario and the power plays people pull to turn others against each other for their own security.
I even tried reconciling, apologizing for what I did wrong.
It didn’t work.
I found that weak willed people in our workplace were easily swayed. Unfortunately that was many, maybe even most, except for those who could think for themselves and not have toxic thoughts persuade their opinions of me…… in other words, those who really knew me and my motives.
I later found this person went from workplace to workplace doing the same thing, many had quit or left for mental health issues……
But he was so frustrated he couldn’t get me.
I think his issues (for whatever reason he had them), weren’t chosen. Whatever power was taken from him, that made him so power hungry would never be fulfilled.
Desire for power is unquenchable. Power only demands more power.
Like the stickers, I know he didn’t choose to be like that. No one wakes up in the morning and thinks “I wonder who I can screw over today?”
Even though I knew I was being slandered and spoken of so badly and people I once trusted would just look away as I walked by……
I kept smiling….
I kept saying “Morning!” to all those infected with the toxic slander….. but especially to him.
I wasn’t the issue.
I only represented to him what he didn’t like about himself.
My hero Yeshua of Natzeret said “With the measure you judge, you’ll be judged with.”
Meaning, how critical and unloving you are to others, others will then look at you in the same way. The longer I have been looking into these things, the longer I have also come to realise it’s also true that “With the measure you’ve been judged with, is the measure you’ll judge others.”
So, to conclude………
No matter how annoying that person is, remember, until you really know what they’ve been through, you never really know them or their motives.
I’m trying to think the best of others as much as possible. Judgements can also be positive. I want to be the person who judges favorably, who looks past the ‘Family Stickers’ and see’s that others deserve a chance and respect whether or not I ‘feel’ like it!No matter how badly they treat me!
Please feel free to post this if you think it may help people out!
Luke Greaves
Tags: Christian, connectedness, Emotional Intelligence, International, Luke Greaves, Motivational, My Family, People, preaching, Public speaking, Shopping, Sticker Family